That they are slaves.
That each tendon’s a rope
and the knuckles are pulleys.
That their white bones
line up like pieces of broken chalk.

They are bound by flesh
as leather around a Bible.
That they dance and write
in air the story
of what is lost, what is gained.

That they are soldiers
cut and bleeding, a link
to the heart’s kingdom.
That they are so beautiful
a moon has landed on each finger.

That they are trained
for harps and hired for murder.
That the cuticles are shaped
like soft horseshoes.
They contain rivers.

That the ring finger’s shyness
suffers when gripped by the powerful.
That the palm yields to blisters
and wears the calloused rags
of repetition.

That they are mythical
with their lifeline’s hieroglyphics.
That they struggle
because of their great strength.
They are able to heal themselves.

That they know what it means
to draw the water
and work without pay.
That they will hide our eyes
and pray for our sins.

That they may life the hammer
and lead our bodies to grace.
That they will make a print
like no other
until they wave goodbye.

~ Jeanne Bryner, nurse poet

printed in The Poetry of Nursing 

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I must confess that I’m addicted to Pinterest. I’m planning my best friend’s bridal shower on there, keeping a huge log of future craft projects, spreading some ASL love and interacting with people from junior high way more than I do on Facebook. My latest favourite is this one however:

it expresses perfectly the awe I feel about becoming a nurse.

this is most definitely a theme with me. I wonder if it is fear and shake my head no. I wonder if it’s regret and again get a no. It’s pure and simple awe.

i get so jazzed over being good to people and solving their small and not-so-small problems. i want to do it more. and i want to solve bigger problems. i know i can.

in my mind’s eye, i am just me. i’m sure you see yourself, your passion and creativity and drive as just you.

yet when i look at you, I see amazing possibility. and here on this side of the coin, i see much lacking.

That was my evaluation of myself upon ending my first clinical rotation: understands people, needs more confidence.

But I was given the chance to interact with a deaf client, for the very first time outside of those i know in class. I think that was the best part of my time in gerontology. Communication, belonging, i felt a part of her community even though i was so new and faltering and still asking her to sign things slower or repeat them. I love community and team and teaching. I had to teach too! Because of my PSW experience, I was given the opportunity to mentor a fellow student. And then there are the days I’m absolutely certain that I could teach said class better than the already awesome teacher standing before me.

My dreams are scaring the crap out of me. And I can’t wait to rush right into them.

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everyone gets excited about initials behind their name, right? I certainly have never had any, and since getting married twelve years ago – yes a dozen anniversaries! awesome – my name hasn’t had any upgrades… until now.

the above initials will identify me when i work in clinical placements this semester. I am, wait for it… student nurse, first year.

thrilling. terrifying. I feel as though I need a super hero cape.

baby bath, temperature, parental education.

therapeutic interactions, tub baths, conflict management, and quality of life.

the language i speak now is significantly altered than the one I spoke eight months ago. AND i actually have to speak – WITH my VOICE – to my patients. coming from PSW/nurse’s aid work in a bilingual hearing and deaf environment, using my voice felt pretty awkward that first day.

but I’ve digressed. initials. behind my name.

It only seems fitting that there is some designation behind my name to explain the breadth of information I digest daily and how annoying I can be to working PSWs who have a much smaller crunch time to get things done.

I’m really trying hard to not get discouraged by the eye rolls sent my direction, the varied ways I have been told “why aren’t you working faster,” the many naysayers who say that nurses are the grunt workers of the healthcare system, and the very sad story of Amanda Trujillo.

I want to be positive, I want to change things. I’m a mature student, but still very much an idealist. And when I see nurses having moved up into management positions, I wish I had the guts to say to them: have you made a difference? or have you simply filled the shoes of the one before and done good enough?

Perhaps it’s the amazing nursing program I am in, but my eyes seems even further open than they’ve ever been. There is so much to do, and I am more anxious than ever to do it.

I am immensely proud of my SN1.

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I’d like to prepare a menu of vegetarian meals. As a family, we enjoy meat but I figured a week at a time would be a good change, encourage healthier eating, and be good for the environment.

Here are my ideas of meals so far.

1. Pan-fried fish, mashed potatoes and green beans

(leaving in fish for now…)

2. Asparagus & Chickpeas over Rice

3. Guacamole Omelets & hashbrowns

4. Salmon Pasta

5. Fresh Tomato Soup & Grilled Cheese

and that’s where my ideas end, picking from among our favourite meals. Do you have any ideas to share? I’m looking for kid-friendly and non-mushroom.

Back to studying for finals!

p.s. I was surprised also at how few vegetarian recipes I use. Scary. I have a handful of bean recipes that we love but they all have to do with ham or pork or sausage or pork sausage. lol

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So in the spring, I planted some French lavender. I adore the smell, the tiny purple buds, and have this isolated full sun spot to put them in. Voila!

Only, look how tiny they were! I was beginning to think I should have bought three in order to fill in the space. Wow, was I wrong! Because…

I took this picture TODAY! Sorry about all the curly brown leaves mixed in, but oh my gosh! They’ve taken over my little crescent moon garden!

What do I do next year? Leave them? Take divisions? Any ideas?

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