Tearing down our life in Louisiana then immediately re-building it here in Ontario has remarkably only taken about one month. I’m amazed.

It probably took six months to get to the same place when we went south, and after that we were still waiting on my husband’s immigration. There seemed to be a lot more hurdles.

But then perhaps it’s due to the fact that our life up here was sort of waiting in the wings while we were away. In so many cases, we simply had to let so and so know that we were back and it was almost as if we’d never left, as if Mom never died, as if no one had ever said all those things.

Communication being the key to life, I think it can also be the poison. Not the good honest kind mind you, but the angry mean variety. There are things people have said to me that I don’t think that I will ever forget but desperately wish I could. And because of it all, my self-esteem is shot.

A couple days ago, I spent all day driving to every nursing home and retirement community in this city to drop off my resume. I was a wobbly nervous mess every time I got out of the car.

Putting myself out there has never been my strong point. My parents, through high school and university, never asked me to work. My education was my job. But there were a couple instances for some reason that I did want to try to carry school and work and I went out into the wide world and applied.

A top student, involved in all manner of school and community activities, and I only ever got one interview. Even worse, I was never hired for a regular job. My resume is a long list of jobs on campus, at church or from friends.

I fear rejection way too much. So much so that even I am blind to my good points.

Once I had a patient see right through me. I was entering the back door of the hospital very early on a cold morning in Louisiana. (Yes, those do happen.) He was wrapped in a blanket, still in his wheelchair, outside smoking his cigarette as he wasn’t supposed to be doing. He took one look at me and said in his raspy emphysematic voice, “Show some courage when you’re going into work!”

Sticks and stones. Why do I let them bother me?

Ps. A nice pair of black shoes and booming rendition of We are the Champions can help. lol

I felt so nice and swanky in them as I dropped off more resumes today. This time at a children’s clothing shop then the public library who are both currently hiring.

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