Tell me – and I’ll tell you – like it is
“We feel safe around direct, honest people. They speak their minds, and we know where we stand with them.
Indirect people, people who are afraid to say who they are, what they want, and what they’re feeling, cannot be trusted. They will somehow act out their truth even though they do not speak it. And it may catch everyone by surprise.
Directness saves time and energy. It removes us as victims. It dispenses with martyrdom and games. It helps us own our power. It creates respectful relationships.
It feels safe to be around direct, honest people. Be one.”
Instinctively, I’ve always found direct people to be those that I loved most in life. Though what it was about them that I loved I could not have said until very recently.
I want to be this person. Meager attempts at it have only encouraged me in the matter by allowing me a taste of the freedom I have always desired. And it is so sweet.
It is not to mean, I learned recently, telling everyone everything. Your private thoughts are yours alone and shared with whom you choose. Neither do we throw tact out the window. But instead of side-stepping the question or not saying what it is you want or being too afraid to bring up a sore point, you do it. And, if I may borrow a good friend’s words, you do it scared. Because I can hear the things I ought to be saying or asking at the times I ought to be saying them in my head, but fear shackles me.
No more.
Robyn
cecilia
Kalanna
I’ve always thought of this as being a matter of justice. When we are honest as to who we are and honest in our interactions, the people around us have a chance to behave their best, to react most appropriately (whether they take that chance or not). When we’re less-than-forthcoming with ourselves the people around us are left to guess – and invariably we’re offended and hurt when they guess wrong. But it’s unjust to be upset with people for treating us wrongly when we didn’t give them the information they need to treat us rightly.
And from the other side of things, it is discomfiting to have to guess all the time. I’m with you, I much prefer relationships with people who are comfortable being honest in how they present themselves – even disagreement with the upfront is more enjoyable than small talk with the elusive.
I really like thinking of it from that angle Kate… justice. It drives the point home even more. Thanks for the insight.
I talk big, but this is really going to be an ongoing issue for me. Just yesterday I found myself describing something in a particular light to somebody so as to make it less offensive. But really it was just less honest. Here’s hoping that recognition really is half the battle.