Approaching a holiday
Melancholy alert.
Not really sure what it is but I seem to be falling apart. I’ve noticed that my dreams have become nightmares — of family. I wake up spinning and squashed, weighted and saddened by what so-and-so said and thought and did or did not do. There’s also been these instances at work where all of a sudden my brain stops long enough to remember the horror and shock of mom’s death that I look down to discover I’m frozen or my hand is trembling or I wish I could hide in a corner and cry and bring her back and all my lost hopes and dreams with her.
It must be because the holidays are approaching. In particular, Canadian Thanksgiving that arrives Monday. I’ve heard everyone’s cozy plans to see family over and over again. It doesn’t bother me to the point of publicly bristling anymore, but I think my unconscious is still pretty perturbed. I can’t imagine any other explanation for the dreams and episodes, but still… maybe it’s progress. I haven’t been bothered by all of that in a long time.
I’m just saying it because I feel like I need to. Don’t really need to make any thing of it. It just needs to be acknowledged and go on a shelf. When I go over the past, it seems to be more about making sense of the now and of the path to be taken tomorrow. Please God let me make the right decisions.
cecilia
Kalanna
Holli
I have no advice to give you, just an offer of encouragement. It’s brave of you to talk about how you’re feeling. That always helps me, rather than keeping it in. I hope it all eases soon.
Wanted to thank you for sharing and hope that doing so helps continue your healing. (((((hugs))))) You’re in my thoughts & if you need a little support to get you through, you can direct tweet me any time.
thank you both for your kind thoughts. i am in no need of advice, only wonderful friends such as yourselves.
it does honestly help me to talk. but having gone over the topic here already, i only do so with much reservation and when there is something new to say. that being the case, the fact that there is something new always leads me to look towards hope and the healing of my wounds. thank you again for your patience and reading.