everyone gets excited about initials behind their name, right? I certainly have never had any, and since getting married twelve years ago – yes a dozen anniversaries! awesome – my name hasn’t had any upgrades… until now.

the above initials will identify me when i work in clinical placements this semester. I am, wait for it… student nurse, first year.

thrilling. terrifying. I feel as though I need a super hero cape.

baby bath, temperature, parental education.

therapeutic interactions, tub baths, conflict management, and quality of life.

the language i speak now is significantly altered than the one I spoke eight months ago. AND i actually have to speak – WITH my VOICE – to my patients. coming from PSW/nurse’s aid work in a bilingual hearing and deaf environment, using my voice felt pretty awkward that first day.

but I’ve digressed. initials. behind my name.

It only seems fitting that there is some designation behind my name to explain the breadth of information I digest daily and how annoying I can be to working PSWs who have a much smaller crunch time to get things done.

I’m really trying hard to not get discouraged by the eye rolls sent my direction, the varied ways I have been told “why aren’t you working faster,” the many naysayers who say that nurses are the grunt workers of the healthcare system, and the very sad story of Amanda Trujillo.

I want to be positive, I want to change things. I’m a mature student, but still very much an idealist. And when I see nurses having moved up into management positions, I wish I had the guts to say to them: have you made a difference? or have you simply filled the shoes of the one before and done good enough?

Perhaps it’s the amazing nursing program I am in, but my eyes seems even further open than they’ve ever been. There is so much to do, and I am more anxious than ever to do it.

I am immensely proud of my SN1.

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I’d like to prepare a menu of vegetarian meals. As a family, we enjoy meat but I figured a week at a time would be a good change, encourage healthier eating, and be good for the environment.

Here are my ideas of meals so far.

1. Pan-fried fish, mashed potatoes and green beans

(leaving in fish for now…)

2. Asparagus & Chickpeas over Rice

3. Guacamole Omelets & hashbrowns

4. Salmon Pasta

5. Fresh Tomato Soup & Grilled Cheese

and that’s where my ideas end, picking from among our favourite meals. Do you have any ideas to share? I’m looking for kid-friendly and non-mushroom.

Back to studying for finals!

p.s. I was surprised also at how few vegetarian recipes I use. Scary. I have a handful of bean recipes that we love but they all have to do with ham or pork or sausage or pork sausage. lol

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So in the spring, I planted some French lavender. I adore the smell, the tiny purple buds, and have this isolated full sun spot to put them in. Voila!

Only, look how tiny they were! I was beginning to think I should have bought three in order to fill in the space. Wow, was I wrong! Because…

I took this picture TODAY! Sorry about all the curly brown leaves mixed in, but oh my gosh! They’ve taken over my little crescent moon garden!

What do I do next year? Leave them? Take divisions? Any ideas?

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Tonight we had a meeting to begin the set-up of our first practicum.
At the moment, I am internalizing the difference between motor output and sensory input.
My anatomy teacher is too easy, and I worry that I won’t know what I need to know.
I’ve fallen in love with a word I can barely pronounce: phenomenology.

Some days I am scared about the role I am being handed, about the role I have asked to be given.
Some days I embrace it and know in it hides all the amazing sides of myself I’ve yet to discover, in it I will find my life’s work.
Just turning it over in my imagination, I feel bubbling over excitement, creativity and wonder.
For now they’ve yet to tie the ribbon and release it’s weight.

One day I will be… a nurse.

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Nature’s first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leafs a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

- Robert Frost

I’ve been working on incorporating physical activity into my life. I’ve noticed for a long while that I simply feel better when I exercise. And so I stumbled into what I thought was the ingenious idea of simply exercising for the lift in my mood rather than for any fitness gain.

Turns out however that these two pretty smart guys thought of it before me. I read their little 200 page book on the subject over the past two days. I was hooked like it was a fantasy novel! The name of the book is Exercise for Mood and Anxiety: Proven Strategies for Overcoming Depression and Enhancing Well-being by Michael Otto and Jasper Smits. It is above and beyond your ordinary self-help exercise book. This book really is gold. Their advice is built upon personal experience, clinical work, teaching – both Ph.D.’s of psychology – and scientific research, lots and lots of scientific research.

I read it for personal knowledge and well-being, but the book is so immersed in up-to-date research that I’ve used it extensively in a project this semester. Here is one of favourite passages. The author is reflecting on the joy of moments when out exercising, referencing the above poem by Robert Frost. I was startled and delighted to hear my own experiences in his words. Excellent book for anyone needing a mood lift or struggling with depression or anxiety.

“… exercise gives you a chance to enjoy sensations for sensation’s sake. The feel of a breeze against your skin while running deserves to be noticed and enjoyed mindfully. Likewise, the feel of water on your body and the sounds of your breathing deserve mindful attention while swimming. Outdoor activities put you in closer contact with the environment and the seasons that you might otherwise be: the feel of light rain, the shift in scents as autumn comes, the difference between your cold face and warm body in winter, and the first springtime experience that nature’s first green really is gold.”

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