That they are slaves.
That each tendon’s a rope
and the knuckles are pulleys.
That their white bones
line up like pieces of broken chalk.

They are bound by flesh
as leather around a Bible.
That they dance and write
in air the story
of what is lost, what is gained.

That they are soldiers
cut and bleeding, a link
to the heart’s kingdom.
That they are so beautiful
a moon has landed on each finger.

That they are trained
for harps and hired for murder.
That the cuticles are shaped
like soft horseshoes.
They contain rivers.

That the ring finger’s shyness
suffers when gripped by the powerful.
That the palm yields to blisters
and wears the calloused rags
of repetition.

That they are mythical
with their lifeline’s hieroglyphics.
That they struggle
because of their great strength.
They are able to heal themselves.

That they know what it means
to draw the water
and work without pay.
That they will hide our eyes
and pray for our sins.

That they may life the hammer
and lead our bodies to grace.
That they will make a print
like no other
until they wave goodbye.

~ Jeanne Bryner, nurse poet

printed in The Poetry of Nursing 

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I must confess that I’m addicted to Pinterest. I’m planning my best friend’s bridal shower on there, keeping a huge log of future craft projects, spreading some ASL love and interacting with people from junior high way more than I do on Facebook. My latest favourite is this one however:

it expresses perfectly the awe I feel about becoming a nurse.

this is most definitely a theme with me. I wonder if it is fear and shake my head no. I wonder if it’s regret and again get a no. It’s pure and simple awe.

i get so jazzed over being good to people and solving their small and not-so-small problems. i want to do it more. and i want to solve bigger problems. i know i can.

in my mind’s eye, i am just me. i’m sure you see yourself, your passion and creativity and drive as just you.

yet when i look at you, I see amazing possibility. and here on this side of the coin, i see much lacking.

That was my evaluation of myself upon ending my first clinical rotation: understands people, needs more confidence.

But I was given the chance to interact with a deaf client, for the very first time outside of those i know in class. I think that was the best part of my time in gerontology. Communication, belonging, i felt a part of her community even though i was so new and faltering and still asking her to sign things slower or repeat them. I love community and team and teaching. I had to teach too! Because of my PSW experience, I was given the opportunity to mentor a fellow student. And then there are the days I’m absolutely certain that I could teach said class better than the already awesome teacher standing before me.

My dreams are scaring the crap out of me. And I can’t wait to rush right into them.

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everyone gets excited about initials behind their name, right? I certainly have never had any, and since getting married twelve years ago – yes a dozen anniversaries! awesome – my name hasn’t had any upgrades… until now.

the above initials will identify me when i work in clinical placements this semester. I am, wait for it… student nurse, first year.

thrilling. terrifying. I feel as though I need a super hero cape.

baby bath, temperature, parental education.

therapeutic interactions, tub baths, conflict management, and quality of life.

the language i speak now is significantly altered than the one I spoke eight months ago. AND i actually have to speak – WITH my VOICE – to my patients. coming from PSW/nurse’s aid work in a bilingual hearing and deaf environment, using my voice felt pretty awkward that first day.

but I’ve digressed. initials. behind my name.

It only seems fitting that there is some designation behind my name to explain the breadth of information I digest daily and how annoying I can be to working PSWs who have a much smaller crunch time to get things done.

I’m really trying hard to not get discouraged by the eye rolls sent my direction, the varied ways I have been told “why aren’t you working faster,” the many naysayers who say that nurses are the grunt workers of the healthcare system, and the very sad story of Amanda Trujillo.

I want to be positive, I want to change things. I’m a mature student, but still very much an idealist. And when I see nurses having moved up into management positions, I wish I had the guts to say to them: have you made a difference? or have you simply filled the shoes of the one before and done good enough?

Perhaps it’s the amazing nursing program I am in, but my eyes seems even further open than they’ve ever been. There is so much to do, and I am more anxious than ever to do it.

I am immensely proud of my SN1.

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Tonight we had a meeting to begin the set-up of our first practicum.
At the moment, I am internalizing the difference between motor output and sensory input.
My anatomy teacher is too easy, and I worry that I won’t know what I need to know.
I’ve fallen in love with a word I can barely pronounce: phenomenology.

Some days I am scared about the role I am being handed, about the role I have asked to be given.
Some days I embrace it and know in it hides all the amazing sides of myself I’ve yet to discover, in it I will find my life’s work.
Just turning it over in my imagination, I feel bubbling over excitement, creativity and wonder.
For now they’ve yet to tie the ribbon and release it’s weight.

One day I will be… a nurse.

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I love my technology. I love sharing it even more. Today I wanted to pass on the best pieces of my technological arsenal for nursing school: the myHomework web-app and Dropbox.

Now I do realize that everyone is different. We have our own systems and modus operandi, so I won’t say that these are for everyone. Personally I use them, they keep me sane. You may not realize you are in need of them, so here’s my story.

Way back in the dinosaur ages, I was in college in Louisiana. We didn’t have email addresses, we didn’t turn in papers electronically to check for plagiarism and we did our research leafing through actual books. In the same vein, I wrote to-do lists for homework, papers, assignments, readings and projects. Actually wrote them, with a pencil. Problem was that I had to continually rewrite them as I completed things. My name is Adrienne, and I killed some trees. Sorry. On the positive side, I was always reminded of what I needed to accomplish.

I started out this semester – I won’t tell you how many years later – the same way. But then the written to-do list got lost multiple times, was in the wrong binder that was not at school with me even more times and just… felt… wrong, palpably, as I went about my cell-phone wifi connected day.

So, I found an app for that. It’s called myHomework and there is an iPod *and* Android version. It’s accessible online from their web-app and on your smartphone. Oddly enough I primarily use the web-app. I find that interface faster to put in assignments and I work really hard to put readings in all at once, at least a week in advance.  When you’ve completed something, I can check it off and gleefully see the reward of the strike-through on the words of that item, bypassing the obsessive compulsive urge I have to rewrite an entire list because I finished one of twenty items.

So remember, SMART goals and try myHomework.

Also, college is powerpoints and papers these days. Lecture notes are sure not what they used to be. Neither is research. I have pdfs piling up already! Thank goodness for Dropbox because it makes my life much easier to manage.

Dropbox is a software that you install on your main computer/laptop at home. The Dropfox folder then becomes part of your computer’s file system. All my school work is saved into the Dropbox folder.

So, that’s not too exciting. But this is! I can access all my files from school by signing into the Dropbox website. I can access all my files on my ipod Touch. And best of all, they are kept synced for me. Changes I made to one file at school or files I added at school are synced up to my account once I am home without me having to think at all!

Your storage space is limited but there are ways to increase your limit without having to pay. But I think that the amount of space you get free is pretty generous. I have personal files in there plus my school stuff and am not at 50%. Worst comes to worst later, when my account gets full, I’ll only leave my work for the current semester.

Now you know all my bestest secrets. Here’s wishing everyone an organized and successful semester!

p.s. Dropbox is great, but back it up.

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